The post which no one asked for or to put it precisely no one cared for and with my intensions to entertain you though it may just be my blunt hopes that I carry upon. Let’s just see where it leads us.
If I had a perfect pretext for my blogs it would be – Well, I am so simple minded and spiritually enlightened that I thought to share with all via blog… No! That is just so wrong and hypocritical that I might even make myself laugh in hysteria. I enthusiastically worked on all these blogs to present the things what I was taught to abide by from my childhood, something which really makes me happy to share about. I share to you all about Jesus Christ in an Indian Malankara Orthodox Syrian Church perspective.
Let’s just start with how I stumbled upon the idea of blogging. Say you believe in fate and find it funny sometimes? Well I do and so it goes, I once eavesdropped a conversation between some random strangers about creating a website but it required some coding skill. The idea of owning a site made me all excited except I never actualy had knowledge about it. So gradually the idea left me.
A year or two passes by, now a guy from different department of my college again induced into me the idea of making a site but this time it came with a hefty price. A price of making me join in a money chain laundering scheme under him. Yeah even the idea of getting a penny, that too being able to spend it unreasonably or to be unaccountable for it from my beloved parents is a nightmare, something I have as the definition for the word impossible. I ain’t sure but I think money chain scheme is illegal in India. That plan was presented before me like brilliant wild storm but eventually it brushed away like a soothing calm wind for I had dropped the plan and sobered up quickly.
Later time leisurely took it’s toll on me and then it happed. SSO(https://theartisticsoulweb.wordpress.com/), a friend of mine shared her site which had her poems. I was so smitten by her expressive poems, the vocabulary she used and they way she presented it in her site. Never in past I knew that she was a such a good poet. But for her site, did she do coding? Now SSO, not knowing that she is an angel in disguise to me. I genuinely appreciated her poems and seeked my answers. To my surprise she was humble and patient. I knew she and her sister were a vivid readers cause in my childhood when I happen to visit her house on the occasion of Christmas carols and prayer meetings I always noticed lots of children digest magazines, Twinkle magazines and some thick hard bound children books.
Yep, now I got some lead to build a site which might even charge me nothing but wait, what will be my site about? It never bothered to me to have a definite plan for my site. So, the dilemma begins.
Then it hit me. Hey, I can write about Indian Malankara Orthodox Syrian Church. Why? No, not because I am an expert at it or I acknowledge myself a saint. Far from it, it’s because I was a Sunday school teacher who taught teens on Sundays about their Christian beliefs for around 3-4 years. Taught bunch of teens in my adolescence, then I found I had a knack for it. Teens can be a bit rebel but I managed to handle it. To them I was lenient and interesting. Here I am not boasting that I was too good but rather implying that I wasn’t bad either. This was enough to boost me up, my impulse took me off and it seems that I finally began to get back on track.
Let me tell you, I started as a substitute for a charming model teacher Mr.J Thomas who was tall, handsome, lovable by all and a good orator. Every trait I found, he was good at it and It was clear that I had big shoes to fill.
I was assigned to teach class 8, I was thrilled cause my favourite sunday school teacher taught me in same class. Back then my teacher for class 8 was Ms. Bincy Benjamin. She was young and cool with us. I saw this as a good omen and decided to adopt her teaching methods. Then slowly I got the complete charge cause he got busy and shifted away due to his office work. First it was chaos later I got the hang of it. The sunday school wasn’t such walk in park for young me. There was an invisible unwritten judgement panel tier. Panel starts with every vicar of my church, then teachers around me, then students, then the parents and later the rest of the esteemed church members. Can’t blame them cause to them I am a just a medium built guy with a medium complexion who smiles a lot, talks very less and is goofy who is in his mother’s shadow(My mother is a social jolly person while I am a shy introvert. Apparently they didn’t care to know about it). I didn’t bother to correct them much, hoping that my work would speak up for myself. Somehow, somewhere it did but many a times it was a disaster.
I analysed everything and I convinced myself that I can be credited about the context I write even as a lay person. Also I had some trusted sources. I always loved Lord Christ for this that I can be me with clear conscience – just me with good conscience for He loves us and forgives us all. Back to the sunday school class, one or two batch of students were real horror. But to be honest I had my share of fun and got some real good opportunities too. I am thankful for everything to God.
So, it was settled that I will just post about Christ and Christianity. Why blogging? Cause it might be something that when I depart and be in a wooden casket that people might say hey he was silent but wasn’t that bad and had interesting perspective. I posted my first post from few sources which I could really rely upon. Unacceptably the first post got some real good response but later my audience wavered which was painful.
Then I started to share my site personally on social app to few of my Christian contacts. Earnestly, I only did that to tell them that I am alive and hoped to know about how they were coping during this pandemic. I really regretted after sharing the site. I felt that I was forcing my blogs onto others. Many of my friends weren’t so called readers anyway, then the idea of sermons isn’t exactly they are really into. Forget about others my parents didn’t bother to read much. I really got furious cause they took time to read my personal diary. Something which was cringey and I was unwilling to share but blog which I want them to read, they won’t read. The diary which I had tried to write for once to vent out my frustrations, organise my ideas and thoughts as per some motivator, had miserably backfired. For the first time I jotted down something embarassing and they happen to read it but my blogs – No!!! Being a single child with no siblings and my 90’s parents with their parenting techniques of trial and error methods were costing me more. So of all people I really felt the urge to seek God otherwise I knew I might doom and I would have to owe it all. God save my soul!!!
I never wished to post poems cause that wasn’t my cup or my thing. Then I feared that I might make SSO feel that I am stealing her thunder or might portray myself as a creep stalker to which she might be uncomfortable to share her poems. Then I realised she doesn’t overthinks like me. I don’t have much real good friends (Me, a shy introvert) or in touch with them (my friends). So, losing a friendly face is more like getting a bullet in my head now. That’s why it makes a big deal. I saw the difference in her and my work. I smirked accepting that her posts are too good and neat. I can learn much from her.
The first poem I penned down was somewhere near 2018 when I was feeling blue and suddenly out of mind came the first line – They talk while you mumble. They walk while you stumble.
I developed few more lines and felt I might even get few accolades or recognition. Nothing such happened. Till then I had developed some immunity to disappointments in my expectations. By then, I had expectations to build a time machine or was expecting to get hit by some random meteors. Many absurd expectations that didn’t catch up. Soon I had came across an Italian movie called,”Life is beautiful”. This movie thought me innocence, sacrifice, love and perspective does matter.
Now with my primitive poetic skills I got, it came in handy to write riddles for treasure hunt for mgocsm bizonal conference, a christian youth meet held on 2019.
The first poem that I had written earlier. I uploaded it to a community of wannabe poets like me. Handful yet upon receiving decent response I was happy. Soon I thought I can fill my blog posts with poem to make people entertained. Again to which I felt I might be pushing my luck too much but it takes time to make certain relevant Christian blog and poems are good filler posts.
I only want to share about Christian community beliefs. I have nothing to be preachy about or to change anyone, it always depend on their own choices and their approach. Though some posts looks like a sermon but I just meant to present what I came across or learnt. Nothing more or nothing less.
The reason for this particular post is to open up a bit of myself, to compensate for a future relevant post, to entertain and to learn to improve my site. I also have a blog post in my mind which might take sometime. Hope this was as funny and interesting as I had in my mind. Take care, God bless us all and praise to His holy name.
Christ, my shepherd. 